A group for parents who practice attachment parenting.
Group Keywords: attachment, parenting, AP, cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, gentle discipline
Michael Potegal
in AP Parents
updated about 1 year ago
My name is Mike Potegal. I am a pediatric neuropsychologist at the University of Minnesota Medical Center in Minneapolis (this is a fancy way of saying that I evaluate kids of all ages with all sorts of behavior and school problems.) My particular interest is in tantrums-I and my research team are trying to learn about how kid's tantrum behaviors relate to their feelings. In our current study, we are collecting home videos or DVDs that show an entire tantrum of a 2 or 3 year old, from beginning to end. We will pay $75 for videos that are submitted along with a tantrum calendar and a standard questionnaire about the child's personality. All material will remain confidential and used for research purposes only. Please contact me at poteg001@umn.edu before submitting anything.
I understand that Totspot is a safe site for parents to discuss their interests and concerns and that my message is a bit unusual. Thanks for allowing me to post it. To show my appreciation, and as a regular part of the study, I will be glad to discuss questions or concerns that people have about their children's emotional development.
My website at the University of Minnesota is:
Mike Potegal, PhD, LP
http://www.med.umn.edu/peds/clinneuro/faculty/potegalmichael/home.h...>
Assoc Prof of Pediatrics & Neurology
University of Minnesota Medical Center
Play Rail
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
Ana Martin
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
Hey all, I'm new to the site and parenting in general (two weeks in!) and just wanted to say hi...
Hi Ana, and welcome!!
Suzanna Bell
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
what is attachment parenting? Can someone (or several people) give me a description or feeling for it? I feel that this is a good group for me, but want to know if I'm on the "same page" as everyone else in here.
Hi Suzanna,
Attachment Parenting is a lot about bonding, knowing your baby and being sensitive and responsive. Many AP parents wear their babies (in a sling, wrap, etc.), co-sleep (bedsharing, crib in parents' room, or "sidecar" setup), breastfeed, and don't let their baby "cry it out".
Dr. Sears coined the term "attachment parenting" and he has more information on this page at his site: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp
There's also an Attachment Parenting International site at http://www.attachmentparenting.org/
So, do you "fit"? :-D
Thank you, Melissa for sharing that info and those sites with me. Yes, this is a very fitting group for me. I have always believed in all those principles, but was not aware that there was an actual name for this style of parenting. How exciting!
Great! I just realized that in my definition I kept saying "baby", but of attachment parenting applies all throughout childhood. You can tell what stage of parenting I'm in! :-D
Glad to have you here. Hopefully we can get some good discussions going in this group!
Thanks; I was wondering what attachment parenting was too. Turns out I didn't know the name for my own parenting style. :)
Suzanna Bell
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
My fourth child is on his way! Only 2 to 4 more weeks until the big day, and this is the first time I'm going natural. (yay me!) I have a doula and I'm super excited this time. Anyone have any tips or good advice? I always welcome it!
Hooray! I'm excited to hear how everything turns out! :-D
The biggest advice I have is relax, relax, relax! You progress faster, which means it's not likely the doctor will want to use pitocin to speed things up. Whenever I had a contraction, I'd close my eyes, breathe deeply but naturally (don't hold your breath!), and try to relax every muscle in my body. And not just "down there", try not to tense your face or your hands. The nurses kept coming in and thinking I was asleep - that's what you want to look like. Although as things progress further, it's almost impossible to relax every muscle. Don't worry. :-) Hubby would whisper words or encouragement or squeeze my hand. (I wouldn't squeeze his because I was trying not to tense anything at all, but it was just as effective for him to squeeze mine.) When we practiced, he would do massaging, but when it came time, I didn't want to be rubbed through contractions.
Other than relaxation, I do believe positive thoughts go a long way. When I hit transition, I really wanted to give up. It's important to remind yourself (or have your husband remind you) that you can do this, women have been doing it for ages, how good it is for the baby, how great you'll feel afterwards, etc. etc. I needed constant reminding because it does get pretty intense! The most helpful thing at that point is my husband getting excited that "yay, you're in transition! That means you'll be pushing and we'll get to meet our baby any minute now!" And every contraction is just one contraction closer to meeting your little one. It may not be too bad for you either, we'll just have to see. With my first, it was "easy" and I never felt like giving up and calling the anesthesiologist. With #2 I started to feel panicky and tried to convince my husband that "it's not that big a deal. I don't care if I get drugs. Call him!" lol. I am thankful my husband just smiled and encouraged me rather than listened to me though, haha!
Mm, another thing is walking. That was really helpful for getting things moving. It kind of took my mind of things, we'd walk and talk, and then I'd stop and lean against the wall or hang on my husband and breathe through it. And of course, it helps get baby into place.
Hah, this is much longer than I expected. So in short: relax, walk, and be positive! Your doula will probably have the same advice and help you through all that. Good luck and I can't wait to hear about it. I love natural birth stories!!
Kelly Kortright
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
My babies come home this week from their dads house!!!YAY I miss them so much. I get my cast off tomorrow too.
If anyone is interested in working at home with kids go to www.internetceomoms.com/kkortright
How is everyone doing?
Anyones kid going into kindergarten this year?
My boys are too young for kindergarten. Do you have one just starting? I have friends sending their little ones off to school for the first time and they are all so excited. :-) (Well, moms more than kids usually, lol!)
Congrats for getting your cast off! What happened?
My son just started kindegarten he is doing so well...he loves school and learning
My daughter started kindergarten this year. She loves it. Her sister is in 1st grade so finally she feels like she is a "Big Girl", too. I still have two at home so days are busy, but I miss the carefree days of summer.
Suzanna Bell
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
Did anyone use a doula during their labor? I'm wondering if it's worth the money. What would be the difference between a certified doula and a good friend?
We used a doula for our first pregnancy. She was also our Bradley Method instructor (husband-coached, natural childbirth classes) so we had gotten to know each other pretty well over the past 3 months and I felt really comfortable with her. Because the birth of our son was very easy and we didn't run into any complications, our doula didn't really fill the role as advocate/coach. She had done such a great job teaching my husband how to coach and prepared us really well. I hired her mostly for my peace of mind because it was our first time and I had no clue what to expect. She mostly acted as a husband support: giving him a break to go to the bathroom, get a snack (he had just come off a 13-hour night shift then straight to the hospital!), she took pictures and documented our time line, she gave massages (for me in labor and also shoulder massages for hubby, lol) and was our "cheerleader." I do believe that it's worth the money because on average they help the mom have a shorter, easier labor and reduces the "need" for medical intervention. I think if you have a good friend that is supportive in all your choices and educated on the procedures that would be a great substitute! It's important for her to know how to make you relax and to build up your confidence when you need it. I knew I wanted someone who could remind me once I hit transition why I wanted to go natural, spout off reasons why it's good for me and the baby, etc. Also if the need for any interventions arose I wanted someone to talk to who knew all about the pros and cons because I wouldn't remember everything I learned at that point! I think it just depends on you and your good friend. For a first time mom going for a natural birth though (I know, you've been-there-done-that), I think a doula would be well worth the money.
Thank you so much! I really think I will try to get one... just hoping it's not too late. I only have about 4 weeks left. -I usually go early.
Melissa Conklin
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
I was browsing groups on here and ran across one called Mainstream Moms that uses cosleeping, gentle discipline, babywearing, extended breastfeeding, selective vaxing, and homeschooling in the description. I was a little confused that it said these are "mainstream". I feel often I am part of the minority among other parents I talk to. Maybe it depends on the country? I know I'm always excited to run into parents who make the same choices I do, but it's not all that often. Usually I hear "I can't wait for mine to turn 6 months so I can stop breastfeeding", "Don't you get tired of wearing him around?", and "I could never have baby in my bed - I'd never sleep!" Maybe it's just my crowd; maybe you feel being an AP parent is more mainstream?
Hm... I think where I am it's about half and half. I'm LDS (Latter Day Saint) and so most Everyone I know from church is always and has always been AP. Most people I know, if they breastfeed at all, breastfeed until a year or until the child quits on his own. 16 months is the longest I've seen, but no one had a problem with it in the church. Now my life outside of church is a different story. I'm still the same of course, but the people I befriend are more lax about all the things we believe in.
They take a more "well that's nice, but it's too much trouble and not a big deal" attitude.
Unfortunately I have to deal with quite a few "spankers" as I work part time in a gym nursery, so I deal closely with a large and varied group of parents.
Suzanna Bell
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
How do others in this group feel about it?
We chose not to circumcise with both our boys. I know a lot of families want the son to "match" Dad, but that wasn't the case here. Hubby is, but we researched together on good reasons to choose to circumcise and didn't come up with a good enough answer for us. I was talking to a mom the other day whose older son is and they have a newborn who isn't (the hospital here in Japan wouldn't do it for him) and she is really worried that it will be too confusing that for them that they're different, so she wants to take him back to the US when he's a year to have it done. Some of the reasons people have to chose to circumcise I just don't understand. When I was pregnant with DS1 I just assumed we would because isn't that what everyone does? I'm glad that I looked into it before he was born. Hubby says that if it's something our sons really want because they feel weird about it for some reason, they can have it done when they're adults. Lol, I'd be surprised if that happens, though!
Oh Good! You know, we have even more in common than I had thought! I left my own son intact and some of my family members had a problem with that for some reason, but I've never been the type to go with the crowd just because... Anyway, I just wanted to here what other people with these same beliefs and affections for their children thought about it. I'm expecting a boy right now and there just isn't any question about it. None of my sons will be circumcised. It just didn't make much sense after you know the facts.
Thanks for sharing with me!
I realized I wrote "I just wanted to here.." I meant "hear" of course.
Lol, of course! :-)
I don't think my family actually had a problem with it. My inlaws were a little surprised, I think, but it hasn't really been discussed. I have a 5 week-old son and a little while ago my mom mentioned something about his healing from the circumcision and I had to correct her, then she said "but your first boy was," and I corrected her again, haha! I guess it was all just assumed. We had a brief talk about it and her big argument was cleanliness but I feel it's no different from cleaning behind your ears or washing your feet, you just do it. I wouldn't chop off my ears just so they wouldn't get dirty and gross. My father's never asked and I've never volunteered the info (lol, there's never been a reason to bring up that topic with him!), but I'm sure he'd just think I'm "wacky" just like I am with all my other AP-beliefs! (Sheesh, we've gotten into quite a few arguments about extended breastfeeding. We went to visit him when DS1 was 10 months and Dad thought he was way too old for breastfeeding!) Anyhow, I think it's kind of silly for family to have a problem with it - not their body part, not their decision.
Kelly Kortright
in AP Parents
updated over 2 years ago
hey one have stories to share
anyone divorce or single
no but having a ruff time working as one with partner we fight but know we love eachother do sum people feel u should stay 2geter even if u dont love 1amother becuzz of the kids?
no I believe if it is not working and its upseting you then your not doing anything good for your kids. My kids hated when me and my x split but now they are happy they said I was so sad all the time. I they have fun spending time alone with dad over the summer.
Suzanna, over 2 years ago
Hi!